


A name like Black

by Witty_Clever_Username



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, First War with Voldemort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mentioned James Potter, Mentioned Peter Pettigrew, Sort Of, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, well kind of a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:40:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27566152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Witty_Clever_Username/pseuds/Witty_Clever_Username
Summary: Sirius had no intentions of ever willingly seeing the faces of his mother and father again. He had lived with the ever growing suspicion that should he meet his kin once again it would be down a back alley transformed into a battlefield, where they’d stand on opposing sides wands raised against one another. Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined this, A dinner amidst the cusp of war.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 40





	A name like Black

Sirius couldn’t imagine a more displeasing event, nothing could come close to feeling quite as uncomfortable as the event he was about to experience; Dinner with his family.

Having run away from home 3 years prior, Sirius had no intentions of ever willingly seeing the faces of his mother and father again. He had lived with the ever growing suspicion that should he meet his kin once again it would be down a back alley transformed into a battlefield, where they’d stand on opposing sides wands raised against one another. Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined this, A dinner amidst the cusp of war.

The invite had been extended multiple times prior, and Sirius had his suspicions as to why it continued to be extended to someone as lowly as him. A blood traitor in their eyes was not someone typically thought worthy of dining at the table of the most ancient and noble house of Black, unless one felt the estranged member could prove a useful tool. He was too far gone off the narrow path they’d planned for him to ever be reconsidered as their son, but that didn’t make him invaluable. The ideals which estranged him and the connections he’d built could prove invaluable to their efforts. As a son he was disposable, yet as a spy he would be priceless.

It seemed that line of thought however was not unique. His value needed proof, be it to the name he’d been forced at birth, or the one he’d fought to create. A name like Black was not so easily overcome. Not that Dumbledore had strictly told him as much, but the implications had always been there; a hint here and there, a name would be given and all eyes of The Order were instantly on him as if he’d hear the enemies names and it would trigger him to turn sides, back to where they felt he belonged. 

Sirius had fought long and hard to rid himself of all the name carried, he cut off all ties, fought against those he’d known since birth and informed The Order of each secret invite, but in the end it still wasn’t enough. He was still a Black. 

The implications were there: be a spy for The Order, prove he’s not a traitor or abandon his friends to fight alone. What difference would it make though? His biological family would never entrust him with anything of value and the ever present suspicion of The Order would never wain from the information he could provide. The more he thought of the situation before him, the more futile it felt.

Sirius loved James Potter more than anyone in this world, but sometimes he hated him. Hated him for the name he so easily carried. A Potter was trustworthy to the highest, no proof was necessary with a name like Potter. Isn’t this what they fought against? The power of names, the burden of birth, weren’t they fighting to obtain equality of name and blood? So why was he shadowed with mistrust? Would a Potter or hell even a Pettigrew be forced to endure playing alliance with those who abused them? 

Sirius knew the answer. James and Peter were trusted to the utmost. Had he just the knowledge of this he’d have told Dumbledore to stuff it as he requested Sirius’ pointless infiltration of his family, had it not been for the other he’d not have thought twice. 

The other he loved, yet in a different way to James and Peter. The other who’s worth also stood on the tip of a knife, proven only by what of value they could bring The Order. Another name so tainted they must endure the worse to be provided a seat at the table. While Sirius held the prejudice of birth to his name, Remus Lupin carried the prejudice of condition.  
Remus, his Moony. Were it not for Moony Sirius wouldn’t have thought twice about fighting the mission given to him. Should his task seem like pointless cruelty, Moony’s looked as torture. A punishment designed to destroy a man for an other’s wrongdoing. And who was Sirius to deny a task so simple when Remus merely nodded his consent to stare down the barrel of his childhood abuser’s gun. How could Sirius fight against this when the violent reminders of Remus’ abuse occurred on a monthly basis and still he held no hesitation is accepting. Remus fought to clear his name though he was no more guilty than any four year old child. Who was Sirius to deny a fight given to him by circumstance of birth?

Either way time was running out to go back on his decision, he had to leave, to face those whom he abandoned. Leather jacket draped over his shoulders as if armour against his Mother and Father, a security blanket wrapping the 16 year old child inside him away from the harm they once caused, he made his way out of his room. 

“Where are you going?” A voice greeted him as he headed towards the front door of the small flat he shared with Remus during the times Remus was not neck deep in his mission with the werewolves.

“Out. When did you get back?” He asked the figure of Remus Lupin as the man emerged for their tiny kitchen, dish towel draped over his shoulder.

“About 15 minutes ago, I was just tidying up then I was going to make some dinner. Should I make enough for both of us?” Remus’ words flooded his body with guilt as he looked at the bags under the eyes of his lover. He’d been so wrapped up in thought about his parents he hadn’t bothered to clean for ages and the place that welcomed Remus home was in a state of extreme disarray. Not that he had any clue as to when Remus would come and go from his missions. Still he sat at home ignoring the mess while Remus came and went growing ever thinner and darker around the eyes. New scars would riddle the sore body before him and still Remus stood cleaning his mess and caring for him as if he’d not just returned from hell.

“I don’t think I’ll be hungry when I get back”

“Ah, a mission then?” Remus asked, eyes burrowing into him as if he could decipher Sirius’ mission if he just stared hard enough at him.

“Yeah. Dumbles wants me to spy for him” Sirius’ voice held a sense of defeat in it that shocked his own ears to hear, he’s usual false exuberance no longer able to cover the weight he felt.

“No” Remus’ response came clear and harsh though it made little sense to Sirius. He’d told Remus nothing of the mission so how could that be his response?

“No?”

“Hell no.” Remus stared at him with a fierce determination as he spoke.

“Rem, You don’t even know the mission”

“Yes I do. I’m not an idiot, we all knew Dumbledore would ask you eventually. I’m only surprised James hasn’t talked you out of it yet” Remus replied setting the dishtowel down on the counter before wandering out towards him. How could Remus be stood here telling him not to do this? To be telling him to go against Dumbledore’s wishes with all that Remus does to prove himself an ally for the cause.

“He’s tried. But why wouldn’t I? If I can help the cause, why shouldn’t I?” His words carried the weight not of someone trying to convince an other but of trying to convince himself. He knew the fruitlessness of this mission but he couldn’t stand here in front of Remus and deny such a simple one.

“How the fuck will that help? They aren’t going to embrace you back like the prodigal son. Then what? When you’ve no information to give Dumbledore or Voldemort? What then Sirius? Do you think people will look at you with less suspicion when you’ve nothing to tell them?” Remus amps up his tone, but more than the frustration he’s trying to convey the volume and pitch only accent the exhaustion in his voice. These missions have been killing him, tiring Remus both physically and mentally, though Remus would never admit such a thing Sirius has watched his deterioration over these past few months.

“So what? I deny him and where does that leave me? I’ll never be above suspicion Moony, I might as well try”

“Your going to spend months, hell maybe years with your abusive parents to prove a point? And when they get nothing out of you, do you think Voldemort will hesitate to kill you when you refuse to give them what they want? Don’t be a martyr Sirius” Remus’ words would likely have made an impact on him had it not been for the underlining irony of them. Remus Lupin martyr extraordinaire telling him not to be one was more of a piss off than anything.

“What like you Remus? Hang out with any predators lately Lupin?! Tell me, how’s Fenrir doing? Any less suspicion on you now?” Sirius screams at Remus, though he fills with instant regret as Remus’ face steels with that emotionless expression he’s so adapt at hiding behind.

Sirius can’t help but sigh and walk after him as Remus heads back into the kitchen silently. Their fight obviously over, if he were honest it was over the moment Remus asked him not to go. The man held some sort of power over him, one that felt too often terrible yet he’d do everything to ensure it never left.

“I just want to help” He says wrapping his arms around Remus’ waist. Remus makes no move to turn around, faced distinctly away from him, eyes firmly on the dishes in the kitchen sink. It’s new, this sensation of being able to so readily wrap his arms around Remus, his chest pressed firmly against the mans back, but he quickly wants it to become an old feeling. Not in a way that he wants it to end but that he wants to know deeply that his arms could remain there forever, there is an instant wholeness to his body the moment it connects with Remus’. A wholeness that feels like a gaping wound whenever Remus is gone for these long missions.

“I don’t see how it would help Pads, I can only see it hurting you” Remus’ head lolls back onto Sirius’ shoulder as he speaks, the fire from a few moments ago completely gone from his body, all Sirius can feel from him now is the powerful exhaustion radiating off the man. 

Sirius can’t help but feel the cost of war in these quiet moments between them. This, Remus so close to him with these new feelings, new touches, and yet they will go, Remus will leave to fight the war they’ve inherited and when or if he returns he will be more exhausted, more scarred, more damaged and less Remus. Sirius wants to prove himself as more than a name, but at what cost? He can hold Remus in his arms right now, kiss him and cherish him, but he can feel Remus slipping from him after every mission. Will Remus feel that from him if he leaves tonight? 

“Please stay Sirius” It’s a desperate plea from the man in his arms, and the tone of Remus’ voice tells him everything he needs to know. It’s not the mission, it’s not the war. It’s far more selfish than that, no logical argument could persuade otherwise. Remus doesn’t want to feel this, it’s far easier to accept a mission which he knows will tear out pieces of him, then to watch the one he loves be torn apart. 

“Always” Sirius promises, though he knows there is no guarantee but for tonight, if just for tonight he means it. 

Maybe it’s more than a fight for worth, maybe the fight for Remus, for James and for Peter matters more than his burden of proof. A fight for those who never saw his name, those who didn’t gasp when the Sorting Hat yelled Gryffindor, but stood to applaud him.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Hope you enjoyed my little story. if any one wants this is my [Tumblr](https://writing-wrongs-and-singing-songs.tumblr.com/)


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